Rate Benjamin ('Beni') Fleischer

'Your relationship to people and events in your life always comes back to your relationship with yourself'. This is the credo from which I work, based on my learning and my own experience.

What is a 'relationship with yourself?' In life there are two realms we live in- the revealed and the hidden. The revealed are the areas of life which can be clearly identified. The hidden ones are the ones which seem 'unknowable'. These are things going on beneath the surface of our lives which affect us deeply- our background, personality, family, community, religion, race, gender, sexuality. The people who are really 'alive' are those who approach these hidden aspects and learn to appreciate themselves within the context of these different aspects of their life. They become more aware and in control, and begin to experience 'choice' in a whole new way.

Sometimes we may not know why it is we feel the way we do, which leads us to feel that parts of our life are completely out of our control. Life was never meant to be easy, but it was meant to be 'lived', not just experienced blindly as we struggle through in survival mode. Each experience we go through, whether good or bad, carries within it opportunities to grow and learn, rather than deny, escape or suffer quietly. These opportunities are hidden, and can only be revealed with effort.

Talking about these issues is not always easy, but is one way to put in that effort. In the long run it means life is being 'lived', experiences are being processed and that feeling of 'I'm facing my fears, using my strengths and accepting my weaknesses', which is so deeply rewarding, begins to permeate our lives.

My goal in my counselling practice is to help my clients go on that journey, at their own pace and in a non-judgmental atmosphere. Having gone through a form of mid-life crisis of my own, I feel talking therapy has helped me feel and be more true to myself. I know what it is like to hide, to cover up, to feel lost and out of control, and I also know what it is like to have faced a fear and come out the other side.

Although not exclusively, my particular area of focus is male clients between 35-50, who are struggling with the mid-life years. Having been trained in both integrative humanistic counselling, as well as spiritual self-awareness from a Jewish Orthodox Torah perspective, I try to bridge the worlds of body and soul in my work, with a particular focus on understanding my clients unique process and personality. I am always keen to learn about new perspectives, and I have counselled people from a wide variety of backgrounds in my work for the NHS.

I work on a one-to-one basis with anxiety and depression, and associated conditions. Sessions are highly confidential, and my work is supervised by professional supervisors. I work within the ethical framework of the BACP.